fuck all of this la...

im so damn fucking sick of all of this..literally...
he's never going to love me anyway...why should i other..
of course i must bother..
i love him what...
but the way he always goes on abt other girls is just shit la...
he should just go..
dont love me than dont love la..
what can i do? Not say i can force him also fuck... the flirting and all that is just shit..
id rather he just break my heart..
this is not going anywhere...
i hate it..
i hate my life..
fuck everything that is..
and every soul that is in m life..
fuck them all..
and im so sick of J and AX..
it jst makes me think how sucky everything already is...

the feeling of enormous dread...

i fucking hate tis feeling sia..
seriously.
of him talking abt other girls and his rough edgeded words. And the other two just jumping over each other..
its just fuck la..
Now he's flat dead, as usual and its another dreary night that ive to go through.When will this ever stop?
im so sick of this..
by now, ive just realised ive learnt my mistake...
that he doesnt love me and he never will la..
so i should just fuck it right?
But i dont have the courage to...
because i'll hold on to anything..
but im killing mself.knowing that im just building up on the pain for later on like a save bank...